


I Think I've Seen This Film Before {And I Didn't Like the Ending}

by spaceprincessem



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Derek Hale Deserves Nice Things, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Derek Hale is a Nice Thing, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Just mainly a lot of angst, M/M, Stiles Stilinski Deserves Nice Things, Stiles Stilinski is a Nice Thing, slight PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25982407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceprincessem/pseuds/spaceprincessem
Summary: Derek felt like he was constantly walking a tightrope, one wrong move and he would go tumbling over the edge. It had been easy, at first, ignoring the small flame in the base of his spine, a warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time. But Derek was well acquainted with fire, old friends - or foes, really - and he knew how quickly those flames could spread if left unchecked. It moved through his veins, slowly creeping its way into his heart, until it was all consuming, burning him until he was left raw and vulnerable. It was something he had felt once, almost twice, but he couldn’t dwell on it, considering how they ended.“You are to me.”The words slipped out before he could stop them. There was just something about Stiles that made things so easy, made Derek say the things that were locked away in his heart, like the boy had some magic key that fit just perfectly. He regretted it immediately, because now Derek was entering dangerous territory. It was like he had bypassed all of the warning signs he’d put up years ago, blindly walking right to where Stiles was waiting for him.
Relationships: Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 5
Kudos: 185





	I Think I've Seen This Film Before {And I Didn't Like the Ending}

**Author's Note:**

> Totally did NOT hear TSwift's new song with Bon Iver "exile" and immediately think of a super angsty sterek song nope nope nope definitely did not do that.

“Hold still.”

Derek stiffened as cool hands brushed against his skin, fingers latching onto the tattered remains of his grey Henley before gently tugging it up. Derek winced as the shirt eased over his head, a low growl rippling through his chest as wide, amber eyes looked over the gaping wound that was slowly -  _ painfully slow  _ \- healing. Derek averted his gaze, not being able to handle everything that was swirling in the flecks of gold still focused on the wolf’s injury. Derek wasn’t used to people looking at him like that. Like they were upset on his behalf. Like they could feel his pain. 

_ Like they cared. _

He could hear the boy humming unhappily, bottom lip pulled between his teeth as his cold, shaking fingers reached out, tracing over the deep scratch marks. Derek felt a shiver go down his spine at the soft touch, but he still didn’t look up. He tried to focus on anything else in the room. The quiet noise of the television playing in the background, the rain pelting against the windows, the feel of worn leather beneath his fingers, but his sense always came back to the steady rhythm of Stiles’ heartbeat, the smells of warm cinnamon and vanilla soured slightly by anger and worry.

“This could have been a lot worse.” Stiles huffed as he took a damp cloth, wiping at the dried blood caked against Derek’s hip.

“I’m fine.” Derek replied on reflex, because he was, he was healing. It was just taking a lot longer than necessary. That earned him a hard glare, Stiles only pausing for a moment until the wolf acknowledged it before going back to work.

“Why do you do that?” Stiles asked.

“Do what?” Derek had returned his gaze to Stiles’ shoulder, the intensity in the human’s eyes still too overwhelming. Derek felt dizzy if he looked too long. 

Stiles laughed, a hollow sound. “God, you’re  _ infuriating _ sometimes.”

“You’re one to talk.” Derek shot back hotly. He could see Stiles’ mouth twist into a grimace and Derek hated how much it made his heart ache.

“I had it under control.” Stiles’ jaw was clenched in anger, but his touch remained gentle.

Now Derek was rolling his eyes, trying to keep an air of indifference, but his stomach was clenching uncomfortably, chest tightening. “Yes, almost getting mauled by that wendigo is totally having it under control.”

“Fuck you, asshole.” Stiles snarled, his hands shaking harder, but he continued cleaning the blood anyway.

Derek looked down at the trembling hands, eyes sweeping over the long, nimble fingers, admiring them like they were art. He wanted to reach out, take them into his own, bring them to his lips and kiss each one until the shaking ceased. He could hear the sound of leather ripping as his claws dug into the couch. He let out a shaky breath as Stiles finished up, hating himself even more for missing the touch when the boy pulled away.

“Better me than you.” He heard Stiles mumbled.

That made his head snap forward, eyes locking on the retreating form, his heart thundering in his chest. “What?” Derek asked sharply, his eyes flashing for a moment.

Stiles sighed as he threw the dirty cloth on the table before he leaned forward, pressing his palms onto the surface. Derek could see the lines of tension in the boy’s back, shoulders ridged, his scent saturating with anxiety and something that tasted like self loathing, nearly causing Derek to choke. 

“Stiles…” Derek said, climbing to his feet, his fingers reaching out in the space between them.

“Can you just not-” Stiles forced out, nails digging into the wood, “I’m not worth it.”

Derek felt his heart sink at those words. Stiles had to know how untrue they were, because he was worth it. Stiles was worth every bullet, every mark, every hit, every single fucking threat that came their way. Derek would take it over and over again if it meant the boy would remain unharmed, untouched. And that  _ terrified _ Derek. Stiles terrified him. Because he could be so brave, so strong, so smart, but he could also be fragile. Easily breakable in the wrong hands. In Derek’s hands. Because Derek’s hands were surely the wrong kind. 

Derek felt like he was constantly walking a tightrope, one wrong move and he would go tumbling over the edge. It had been easy, at first, ignoring the small flame in the base of his spine, a warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time. But Derek was well acquainted with fire, old friends - or foes, really - and he knew how quickly those flames could spread if left unchecked. It moved through his veins, slowly creeping its way into his heart, until it was all consuming, burning him until he was left raw and vulnerable. It was something he had felt once, almost twice, but he couldn’t dwell on it, considering how they ended. 

“You are to me.”

The words slipped out before he could stop them. There was just something about Stiles that made things so easy, made Derek say the things that were locked away in his heart, like the boy had some magic key that fit just perfectly. He regretted it immediately, because now Derek was entering dangerous territory. It was like he had bypassed all of the warning signs he’d put up years ago, blindly walking right to where Stiles was waiting for him.

“What?” Stiles was facing him now, honey-whiskey eyes wide and glistening with tears.

His head was telling him to run. Stiles wasn’t  _ his _ , would never be  _ his _ . His heart told him to stay, because what if Stiles could be. He felt paralyzed, stuck between wanting to give in and walk away forever. Exile. That’s where he belonged. He couldn’t make mistakes in exile. He could protect the one thing that was begging him to close the distance between himself and the boy who was pure magic.

Derek swallowed the lump in his throat, taking a cautious step forward, “I said you are to me.”

It wasn’t too late. There was still time, but Derek kept moving forward until he was pressed against Stiles, hands coming up to cup the boy’s beautiful face. Derek brushed his thumb over the soft, pale skin, eyes tracing the moles dotted like constellations in the night sky. Stiles’ heart was like a war drum and he was trembling slightly in the wolf’s hold, but Derek didn’t let go, never wanted to let go. Wrong hands. Right hands. Derek’s hands holding Stiles.

Against every instinct telling him to run, every reminder of how things like this ended for Derek he leaned down, brushing his lips against Stiles’ parted and waiting ones. The flame at the base of his spine exploded, filling him with a fiery passion and hungry he didn’t realize he had been starving for. He deepened the kiss, barely registering that Stiles’ shaking hands were wrapping in Derek’s hair, like he was holding no for dear life. Stiles tasted like he smelled, spicy cinnamon mixed with warm vanilla and it just made Derek want more.

Suddenly, there was too much space between, too many layers of clothing. Derek itched to feel Stiles’ skin, trace the edges of the boy’s collarbone with his teeth, pepper him in purple and black marks. He wanted to make Stiles’  _ his _ . He could hear his wolf howling with words like  _ mate, home, heart _ . He felt dizzy just thinking about it so he distracted himself by working his tongue and teeth against Stile’s milk white neck eliciting a moan that made Derek want to drop to his knees if it meant Stiles would make noises like that the rest of the evening. 

Maybe Stiles had the same idea as he clumsily pulled up off his own hoodie before his fingers traced across the Alpha’s torso, begging to touch, to kiss, to take and Derek was ready to give. Part of him wanted to devour Stiles, like there was not enough time, like there would never be enough time and he was a man desperate for oxygen. Another part wanted to go slow, trace every inch of skin, memorize every taste, every sound so Stiles could be imprinted in his mind forever.

Derek had always known Stiles was magical in one way or another, but when they fell into the bed it was like there was a spark, a hum of electricity clinging to the air, and Stiles moved with him, like they were one. Stiles laughed when Derek hit a particularly sensitive spot and Derek couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his lips as he kissed the boy’s hip because it was the most wonderful thing he had ever heard. Having Stiles in his arms, in his space, just felt so right. For a moment Derek ignored all of the warning signs. He let all of his doubts and insecurities slip away.

For one moment,  _ one beautiful moment _ , Derek let himself be happy.

* * *

Waking up with Stiles in his arms felt like a dream. The boy was warm pressed against his chest, long limbs tangled in his own, chest rising and falling in the steady rhythm of sleep. Derek could see the trail of marks along Stiles’ skin and he could feel his wolf purring in contentment. 

Stiles…

_ Stiles could be his. Wanted to be his. _

Derek closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, their scents mixing together and Derek could practically taste the freedom, the happiness, the pure electrical magic of Stiles that left him feeling a little drunk. It wasn’t easy letting people in, if his past was anything to go by. It was like as soon as he took down his walls someone or something was waiting to rip him apart. He knew Stiles was different. Stiles wasn’t like Kate or Jennifer. Stiles didn’t see Derek as a tool or a means to an end. Stiles defended him, saved him, cared for him, fought for him. Stiles painfully reminded him of Paige, except Stiles had bare witness to all of Derek’s broken pieces and slowly helped put them back together.

But there was the constant reminder that Stiles was human and even if he did have the bite it wasn’t always enough to save you. 

Before the crushing weight of Derek’s guilt could make his lungs collapse Stiles was stirring in his arms, turning so he could give the werewolf a sleepy grin.

“Morning, Sourwolf.” Stiles murmured, his amber eyes half open, fingers reached out to trace soothing circles against Derek’s back.

“Morning.” Derek responded, relaxing under Stiles’ touch.

“So,” Stiles said, becoming more awake, “we should totally talk about last night because first off it was amazing and awesome and we should do it again….”

Derek just chuckled as Stiles babbled on like he normally did. He pulled the boy closer, placing his lips against Stiles’ forehead, melting at the pleased sound ringing in the back of Stiles’ throat.

“I think I’m in love with you.” Stiles whispered, a small smile curled against his lips as he nuzzled into the crook of Derek’s neck.

Derek felt himself stiffen as he let Stiles’ words sink in. Suddenly, the warning bells were going off in his head and every fear, ever worry he’d ever had came rushing back. He could feel the weight of Paige’s body in his arms, too heavy to carry as she drew her last breath. He could hear Kate’s lies hissing in his ear as his family burned in the background. He could see Jennifer’s lips twisting into a cruel smile. He could see the black, soulless eyes of Void…

Derek jerked back, startling Stiles as the boy fell forward.

“Derek?” Stiles asked confused, his heart beginning to race.

Derek grabbed the nearest clothing item, pulling it on as he moved around the room. He needed to leave, to escape, because he couldn’t do it, not again. The sweet scents from just seconds ago soured with something like betrayal. Like heartbreak. Stiles stumbled out of bed, rushing over to where Derek was.

“Derek, talk to me, please.” Stiles begged, “What did I do?”

Derek could see his trembling hands searching for an anchor to grasp, but Derek moved just out of reach. How could he have been so stupid? Why had he let his guard down?

“Stiles, you need to leave.” He couldn’t recognize his own voice, sounding so broken, so small.

“I-” Stiles began, eyes pricking with tears, but he was at a loss for words as he continued to look at Derek like he’d just had his heart ripped from his chest.

Which, maybe, he did.

Derek was moving quickly, leaving the room, leaving Stiles behind as he headed towards the loft doors. The walls felt like they were closing in, the air too thick to breathe, and Derek just needed  _ out _ . He felt his heart leapt into his throat when his eyes spotted the familiar red hoodie lying abandoned on the floor which was probably still swirling with remnants of cinnamon and pine. He could hear scrambling behind him as Stiles fought to keep up, half dressed, looking freshly fucked, tears spilling over his cheeks.

“Derek,” Stiles called, “ _ stop _ !”

“What?” Derek snarled as he rounded on the boy. 

It was too late. He couldn’t take it back. He had dove over the edge, dragging Stiles along with him and now he was the one causing all of the boy’s pain. All because he couldn’t stop himself from giving in. Stiles didn’t flinch back and Derek hated him all the more for it. Instead he stood in front of the Alpha defensively, amber eyes narrowed in anger.

“Don’t run away from this.” Stiles said through gritted teeth.

“Stiles...” Derek breathed out, red bleeding into the grey-green sea.

“No.” Stiles responded taking another step forward. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to leave after what happened last night.”

“It’s not for you to decide.” Derek growled, crossing his arms over his chest like they would protect him from Stiles’ harsh glare or his foolish words.

“Bullshit!” Stiles cried, throwing his hands up in the air. “You kissed me! You took me into your bed!”

Derek flinched at the words, knowing they were all true, knowing it was his fault. It was always going to be his fault. Stiles couldn’t love him,  _ shouldn’t _ love him. That wasn’t allowed. He needed to fix this. 

_ Stop this _ .

And god, was it going to hurt.

“That doesn’t matter.” Derek murmured, looking away from Stiles because he was a fucking coward.

Silence.

Then, softly, after what seemed like an eternity, “Doesn’t matter?”

“It was just a moment of weakness.” Derek continued ignored the wolf howling in protest in his chest, telling him to stop, to pull Stiles close, to never let him go.

“Loving you isn’t a weakness.” Stiles was practically vibrating with anger now, reading through the poorly constructed lie like he always did.

“You don’t love me, Stiles.” Derek growled, finally looking up, but really wishing he hadn’t.

“You don’t get to tell me how I feel.” Stiles choked out and Derek could hear the sob threatening to burst from his lips.

“But I do get to tell you how I feel,” Derek said as he jerked the door open, “now get out.”

Derek had never seen Stiles look so defeated, so broken before. He stared at Derek eyes wide and still flickering with hope as he searched Derek’s face for a different answer. After a moment Stiles licked his lips, head dropping to his chest, eyes squeezed shut as he moved past Derek, not daring to look back. Derek watched him go and he could feel bile rising in the back of his throat from the smell of pure misery and heartache filling up the hallway. He turned away eyes sweeping over the loft. It couldn’t have been that just hours ago he was kissing Stiles like he would lose him. It couldn’t have been just minutes ago he was waking up with Stiles in his arms. It couldn’t have been just seconds ago that he pushed away the one last thing that made him feel alive again. 

_ It’s for the best _ , a small part of him supplied. Derek knew how these things ended. He’d seen it before and he couldn’t go through it again. He found the red hoodie still lying on the floor, like it was a reminder of all of Derek’s mistakes and fuck ups. Maybe he could burn it later, let it go up in flames just like everything else in his life. Derek slammed the loft door, running full speed towards the preserve like his life depended on it.

* * *

Stiles didn’t text. He didn’t call. He didn’t show up at the loft unannounced or when the pack had planned to come by. The only time he ever saw the boy was when they were forced into a pack meeting about the newest monster of the week. Even then Stiles didn’t talk to Derek. He wouldn’t even look at him. He was uncharacteristically quiet. And when he ran into danger Derek let Scott be the hero.

It would go away. The terrible feeling in his chest whenever he saw Stiles. Stiles would move on. It was just a matter of time. Then Derek could go back to where he was, where he belonged.

* * *

Stiles seemed to have other plans.

* * *

“Okay, asshole,” Stiles said as he stormed in through the loft doors without warning, “I am  _ not  _ going to let you mess this up with whatever martyr complex you have!”

Derek stood in the middle of the room slightly dumbfounded as he watched Stiles march right up to him, jabbing his long, nimble finger into the wolf’s chest. It had been two months since that night and the inevitable fallout of the next morning. Derek had been waiting for it to get easier, but with each passing day without Stiles it only seemed to hurt more. Derek shook his head, trying to regain his senses, which had been distracted by the familiar - and sorely missed - scents of warm vanilla and cinnamon.

“What are you doing here, Stiles?” Derek growled.

“Two months,” Stiles said, shoving at Derek again, “ _ two fucking months _ , Der and I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop replaying that night over and over again in my mind. I can’t stop the desire to want to kiss you, taste you,  _ be with you _ no matter how much it hurts.”

“ _ Stiles _ …” It came out more like a whine and Derek closed his eyes, trying to look away, not wanting to get lost in those beautiful honey-whiskey eyes.

“I know you’re scared, Derek.” Stiles said, his voice soft and pleading now. “I know you’ve been hurt in the past, but you deserve to be happy.”

Derek pulled away, turning so his back was to Stiles. When he opened his eyes he was looking down at the red hoodie sitting on his coffee table, where it had been waiting two months for its owner to come and bring it home.

“I don’t.” Derek said sullenly, because it was the truth. He couldn’t handle any more heartache than he already had.

“Derek,” Stiles said as he moved in front of the wolf, gently placing his hands on the older man’s biceps, “look at me.”

It took a several minutes, but Stiles waited patiently before Derek forced his chin up, grey-green finding amber gold.

“If whatever between us isn’t real, isn’t what you want...” Stiles said, voice wavering, lips trembling as he spoke the words, “if you say you don’t love me in return then I will walk out of here and let you go.”

Derek couldn’t detect a skip in the boy’s heart, knowing his words were true. Now here he was, once again, at a crossroads. He’d always chosen wrong. With every fall there was a risk. With every step there was the chance of getting lost. How could he watch all happen again? Not when he knew the ending was so clear.

“It’s okay.” Stiles said with a nod of his head, tears spilling from his eyes. “It’s okay.”

The silence was enough of an answer and Stiles pulled away, the words  _ it’s okay _ still repeating over and over again. But it wasn’t okay. It would never be okay ever again if Derek let Stiles walk right out that door like he did two months ago because he was so sure he was doomed to lose the boy made of magic.

“I love you too.” Derek said. 

And it was easy, like breathing air. 

Stiles looked up at Derek, frozen in his place. “What did you say?”

Derek was moving, taking Stiles into his arms, pulling him into a kiss because words would never be enough to tell Stiles how he felt. He was terrified. So fucking terrified, but he couldn’t let go, not this time. Because when it came to Stiles he had never, truly felt like this before and maybe, just maybe, this time he could have a happy ending.

“I said I love you.” Derek whispered against Stiles’ lips, hands cupping his face, thumb tracing over his cheek.

“I know, Sourwolf,” Stiles said, smiling now, “I love you too.”

So Derek kissed him again and again and again. Because he loved Stiles and Stiles loved him. And Derek didn’t know how it was going to end, but for once, he was okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, maybe I DID hear the song and write an angsty sterek piece heheheh, but always a happy ending! Listen to the song if you get a chance cause it's so good! Let me know your thoughts! Thanks for reading!


End file.
